Answered prayers

June

One good thing about this job,most everyone gets the month of their choice off in the summer. It has always been a dream of mine,and finally after 10 years,I got to take the whole month of June off.I wish I had more to report,but I only checked one thing off the bucket list.....

I got off nicotine lozenges. Once and,god willing,for all.I thought it would be 2 or 3 days of excruciating anxiety and then I'd enjoy my vacation/layoff. No such luck. In fact, I haven't had any nicotine since May 29,and I still feel pretty disoriented most of the time.


But at least when I celebrate one year smoke free,I'll be nicotine free as well. I really thought I'd be stuck on those forever,so I'm grateful to be rid of them.

Getting off the nicotine is really eye opening.I thought it would be easy to let it go,but everything feels very skewed in my head. I have walked an awful lot this past month,not much hiking,though.There's a road that goes through the woods leading to some trails and a park. Mostly I stay on the road.Even on the road I see neat things,occasionally. I saw my first deer while out on the trail. I see them all the time in my car,but never onfoot. I walked by very slowly and it didn't run off. I also saw my friend the scarlet tanager numerous times,which brought me great joy. They are lovely birds,and I never see them at my feeder.

While gardening I got a chance to photograph a snake in the grass,and if I ever get my new computer hooked up-I'll upload and post it.Looks like it came out good,but it's hard to tell on that tiny screen. Finally planted a butterfly bush this year. A guy I work with had a heart attack and died,45 years old. On the way home from the funeral I stopped and got the bush.Kind of a memorial,but also I've wanted one for a long time,and have been putting it off. So I got 2 things off the bucket list.

All in all,the past month has been like a long dream,a restless night,a series of confusing interuptions in an otherwise pleasant spring.I am absolutely not looking forward to going back to work July 1st.At the same time,it's good to have a relatively secure job in these times.

Tomorrow I celebrate 14 years without a drink. Finally I understand what my friend told me on my 6th anniversary,that I am still very new. I will always be a day away from active alcoholism,and i try to keep in mind that it's never a done deal,always the monster sleeps in my mind,far back in a dark corner,but there,nonetheless. Waiting for a chance that I pray it never gets to emerge and destroy everything.

The pursuit of happiness

Now that my probation is nearly over,I will soon have continued healthcare and employment (13 more workdays!). So,theoretically, I will have a longer LIFE.

The pursuit of happiness I am afraid,has fallen by the wayside and replaced with the pursuit of clean laundry, grocery shopping , and miscellaneous errands.

The one thing I am concerned with for all of us is LIBERTY. Gas prices,housing prices,food prices-we are all going to be running like mad trying to keep up,cut back and get a hold of ourselves! The world's gone mad,and we live in,shall we say,interesting times.

Everybody vote Dem this time ,ok kids? Not that the mess we're in is gonna be fixed by the next person,but at least it won't be bomb,bomb,bombs away like the repub guy seems to be literally singing about.

Let's hope all this wholesale spying on the general public isn't leading somewhere orwellian,either-oops! Too late.

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. --Ben Franklin

HAPPINESS is like chicken,it is served so many ways.....

Happiness can be feeling useful in a meaningful way. Feeling as though a part of the world,for example,when the oriole was at my window for the first time this season,and the suet was empty,so I went out and filled it,and she came back to eat.

Feeling my pet rat perched on the back of my chair while I type.

Seeing flowers in springtime,that I didn't expect to make it.

Having friends,being a friend.

Finally getting to know my job.


Knowing that whatever bad news may or may not be coming up the river,we all get through this together.

I believe it was Jim Morrison who once said

"Nobody gets out of here alive"

Peepers!

Heard the peepers for the first time last Tuesday,and again last night,while out for a walk in the woods at dusk.

Today,determined to have a little time with the river before fishing season opens, I followed the trail along the bank for awhile. I saw the most interesting(to me) new thing today in a stream! It was a frog egg mass! To be certain, I looked it up online,and that is what it was. I noticed a wierd jelly thing in the stream,and on closer inspection,saw what appeared to be little seeds inside,tons of them.

I put a large log nearby,so I can check the growth next week. However,I really need to get some tick spray! It was awful,I must've picked 5 off my clothes when I got back to the road.Yuck.

Also,there is a large stray cat living under our home. I called animal control,but haven't heard back yet. I swear I may have to start photographing it and captioning it for ICHC,because it's a damn comical cat. A fat tabby with no tail,lurking about, hiding under the house when I come around,furtively looking back over it's huge ass as it disapears to do god-knows-what down there.

Back to work tomorrow.*sigh* At least there's some off time coming soon.

i know one thing...i will feel a whole lot better when i hear the frogs. e.b.white

Impatiently waiting for spring,among other things. Waiting to get a grip on my new job,it still feels very strange and uncomfortable. Waiting for better days.Still not smoking. still uncomfortable. Still still.

Outside the window the rain falls joining the river wherever it's going. Some days I feel as a part of the river and it's motions and purpose.Other days I watch it flow,leaving me behind.

Time to bake a lovely cake for a friend's birthday. Then I hope the rain will stop so I can take a walk. My head is full of nonsense,and I need to get out there and clear it,before I jump off the bridge instead of cross it!

I'd be lying if I said I'm enjoying all this. I am terribly grateful for my new job,but I bitterly resent the constraints of time that have been imposed upon me.Still,I trudge. Faithfully awaiting the day it all makes some sort of sense.

Or the day that I realise I have,in fact,joined the ranks of people who live in 'quiet desperation".At that time I shall stop whatever I am doing and run to the mountains,and let go of everything that is keeping me from seeing God.

ROUXBE

Great website for recipes and cooking techniques. I also like that it's pronounced "Ruby".I finally have a day off today,and will be heading out for a walk soon. Just a short hike,but it will be nice to go somewhere besides work!

After the winter break,we had to readjust our workweeks,and I had to work 9 days in a row! I have developed hand cramps that wake me up intermittenly throughout the night.As soon as I have insurance,I will be seeing a chiropractor,as I had this problem 10 years ago,and that helped.

It was fun to see what Tall Pines has been up to(I am jealous-snowshoeing and trivia night!),look at all the new cat photos on the cat site,and catch up on the primaries/economy/war news.I have barely been online these past 9 days,and it took all morning to catch up!

I bought a new computer,just a cheap one,(windowsxp!)so I can do more online. I can't do much anymore with this dinosaur. I hate to see it go,but I can't read my GPS-cd-manual,watch videos,or upload photos anymore witout a cd. So,maybe tomorrow I'll hook up the new one.I've had it for almost 2 weeks now,just no time to set it up.

Cats

Ok, so this morning I was very sad and feeling the pinch of the 9 to 5 noose. I wandered over to Tall Pines to see how my friend's mom is doing and......

Holy comedic cats,Batman!


I have gone from sad to LOL, literally. I had to stop looking at the pictures,I was laughing too hard. Might be the funniest website evah.