HOT HOT HOT

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Stifling.

No walk today.

Couldn't walk yesterday.

Misery.When I don't walk I feel crazy.

Haven't smoked though.

Day 23.

Hanging in there.

Too Much Change

Good grief. Quit smoking and all hell breaks loose. The head gasket went on the Honda and we have new owners at work. My dinosaur of a computer has been acting like it's finally going to give up the ghost. Feels like the wheels are coming off the bus.

Times like these I refer back to the Desiderata,and remember that "No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should".The bus probably needs new wheels! And truthfully,if I was still puffing away,I'd probably be far less agitated.I mean,everything seems just a little harder to get through when you're trying to stay off the butts. I've been here before. It's an illusion. Life is life,and there are situations.Change is uncomfortable,but often for the best.

It's been three weeks now. Things were rolling along until the car died. Fortunately we were able to get something right away. A voyager. It's alright I guess,but I was hoping we could wait until after vacation.Theoretically,we'll be able to camp in it,too. Fat chance,in my opinion! We'll at least be able to toss a canoe on top and go somewhere. Oh wait...we don't have a canoe. Ok,maybe next year.

Walked today,like I do most days. I found a large black feather to drop near the tibetan prayer flag someone has hung in their driveway. I say a short prayer every day at that flag,grateful for another walk,another day without smoking.And whenever I find a feather, I carry it to to leave at the flag. Most days I find one.

Last month I drove to Pennysylvania,and picked up a lovely feather at my friend's house that I went to see. On the way home I stopped at Bushkill falls,and took a photo of it,and left it there. Kind of a thankyou prayer,as the waterfall side trip was a surprise,I didn't plan on stopping,it was on the way.

My shy neighbor

Finally! Some good photos of one of the great blue herons! They are so shy,I
swear sometimes they fly away before I have my lens cap off!

Sunday,when I got back from my walk,it stayed long enough for me to get these! I can't wait to get them to the photo machine and print some!I feel like a hunter with a buck on the back of his truck.I have been stalking this bird for the entire 6 years I've lived here,and finally.........

Something worth printing.

July 2007

I feel lucky

Friday the 13th...

Life in the woods

Unfortunately, I have been unable to live deliberately,as my
dear Thoreau suggests. I am certainly more awake than many years
before,but I would love to be free of cigarettes.It has been exactly 7
days today,since I have ingested the foul marlboro weed.I am sure he would be appalled(as am I) at the amount of money spent on tobacco.The heart website says I will save $3650.00 this year.That's a lot of meandering.

I have been trying to quit for 10 years,to no avail. I absolutely refuse to try the latest pill,I don't trust the FDA. A year from now,they'll be recalling the damn things. My husband has been on them awhile now.He has recently added the patch,and is not smoking.

I will keep this short today,I need to go for my walk.Every time I have quit in the past,walking has released the proper chemicals in my mind to keep my head above water.Natural endorphins.I don't dare smoke again,I turned 40 last month.My grandma died of lung cancer,and my 65 year old aunt has emphysema. When I speak to my mother on the phone,she coughs uncontrollably.Who am I kidding. It is not,nor has it ever been,safe for me to smoke.Not to mention how much money the tobacco lobby donates to commander cuckoobananas,but that's a story for another day.

I have taken to carrying my new camera phone,maybe I'll see something interesting.

Free at last

These hot days are reminding me of where I come from. I lived in Detroit til the ripe old age of 31.(Except for that one year when I was 20 and escaped to San Francisco for a year-but that's a story for another day)And when Detroit was hot,it was hot.And stinky.

Then one fine day,I went to visit a friend who had gone to Connecticut to finish a degree. Now, aside from a year in San Franciso,I also went camping in Virginia beach ,once. And a whirlwind 5 day trip that consisted of 3 zoos,Sun Studios and Graceland.Not exactly a big traveler.

I always wanted to go to India(another story for another day),but Connecticut?No thanks. What's in Connecticut? All it conjured up for me was images of David Letterman(Whom I have loved since the 80's when I first started watching him-but didn't think he'd want a visit!)Martha Stewart,and pilgrims.But I wanted to see my friend,so Connecticut it was.

I drove through Canada one hot June day in 1997. It seemed like the fastest way to get to-yawn-Connecticut. I stopped in Taughannock falls in New York on my way. I had been to Taq falls in Michigan once in 1996,and I believe whoever was trapped inside me stirred that day,so much so that I have made it a point never to miss a waterfall when the opportunity presents itself. They are alive to me, I adore them. So I stopped at one on my way to CT.

Next day, I journeyed on to the hamlet of Storrs, CT. Home of a rather large state university. I'm only a high school grad,so I wasn't particularly taken by Storrs or CT........yet. My friend was moving to a nearby town,and transferring to a Massachusetts school to do her post-doc,so part of my visit included helping with the big move.

That's when I was introduced to what I lovingly refer to as Connectitucky. The northeast corner of our little state stole my heart right away. When my friend was all moved in,I did a little exploring.Mystic, Coventry,Putnam, even the little town of Willimantic was indeed romantic to me.

To make a very long story short,when I left for Detroit July first,I left my suitcases in her basement. Sounds a little crazy,but it's a story for another day.And it wasn't crazy. ( I forgot to mention I had read Walden while I was visiting that June-and went to Concord. I was onto something....)

I moved to our lovely little state June 18, 1998(my 31st birthday). I have never regretted it. Not for one second. I wish I could say that about alot of decisions I have made.(Like those 2 tattoos in the eighties!)People would ask,why are you moving? Do you have a job out there? Did you meet someone? Logical questions. My only answer would be to make a frame of my hands,point it up to a tree and say "see this tree and sky between my fingers?" Yes,they'd say. "What if you didn't have to do this? What if there was trees and skies everywhere? THAT is why I'm moving." Some folks knew what I meant right away. Most importantly,I knew. It was a long year that last year in Detroit,but I am ever grateful for it. I got to say all my goodbyes,and leave without regret.